I first encountered Fiber One Oats & Chocolate bars while exploring my room (the store's pantry) when I was about 6 years old. Immediately intrigued by the "Chocolate" part of the title, my salivary glands began kicking into high gear -- what a treat this would be! Unfortunately, after hungrily unwrapping the bar and plopping it in my watery mouth, I was met with a taste that was truly reprehensible in its mediocrity and blandness. The Oats were completely devoid of any familiar pop, crunch, or pleasurable texture; and, what's worse, General Mills seemed to have mistakenly emptied vats of plastic chocolate chips into its factory rather than real ones. "Dear Lord!" I remember exclaiming, "never have I encountered a snack so disgustingly average!" Begrudgingly, I presumed to choke down the rest of the supposed "food," but could not finish the last 1/4th of the bar as my mouth was soon as dry as the Atacama desert. Quickly, I ran to the beverage boxes and uncorked a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper and proceeded to wash down the rest of the bar with the wonderfully caffeinated beverage. Surprisingly, I did not fall terminally ill after digesting the Fiber One bar, and actually felt decently full considering its small size. Within the next hour, however, I began to emit ominous amounts of gases uncontrollably. The inventory section was soon clouded over by a fetid haze.
Chuckling, my father emerged from the shadows, "Haha! This, my son, is what we call Dummy Food."
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