Born and raised in the inventory section of my father's locally-owned chain supermarket (whose name will remain anonymous), I have (literally) a lifetime of experience in dealing with: frozen foods, snackies, munchies, desserts, cheeses, fruits, candies, veggies, breads, spices, pastries ointments, deli meats, condiments, and beverages. Needless to say I am an expert on all things "supermarket."
Recently, my beloved early years of relative solitude in the inventory section ended when my father (the manager) decided that we could wait no longer -- it was time to utilize my unparalleled knowledge of supermarket products and tutor the entire internet on what he calls "the yummies" and "the dummies" of the supermarket world.
And thus I am writing today, dear readers, to educate you on how to spend your hard-earned cash money in the most daunting and overwhelming of locations: the supermarket. After reading my, Reuben Fingleton's, expert advice you will no longer be crippled by uncertainty, fear, and (eventual) regret on your weekly treks to the supermarket, but rather leave with a beaming smile and a cart full of "yummies."
The revolution is here, friends, and I swear that I will soldier through reviewing each and every product in my father's store in order to bring joy to your tummies.
Yours truly,
Reuben Fingleton
No comments:
Post a Comment